It has been two and a half months since I held my little girl. Many people have asked how I am doing or how I'm able to get through this. The honest answer: Jesus. I don't want to tell you these things because I want you to say "how strong I am" because I'm not that strong. When you go through something like this, there are a few options. You can either a) be sad about, b) be real messed up, c) do the best you can to be okay with being alive, or d) a combination of the three depending on the day/hour/minute.
There's an old hymn, which most of you probably know, but in case you don't, it goes like this...
"When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul"
Written by a guy from the 1880s, named Horatio Spafford, whose life basically blew up in his face, it (obviously) has taken on new meaning to me. Guys, it is really difficult to say (and believe) those words. Not a day goes by that I don't have at least a brief moment of being angry. It's not okay that June is gone. It just isn't. I used to sing this song in church and I would feel a real connection to it because I thought about the man who wrote it. Five of his kids died. He lost all his money. His life was in ruin. Yet, his faith was strong enough to pen one of the most poignant songs in modern history of the Christian church. I never thought my faith would be tested in that way. It could never happen to me. Don't we always think that?
Is my faith that strong? Now that I've lost everything that truly mattered, will my legacy leave an impact like Horatio's?
Recently, I was sharing a bit of June's life with a complete stranger. She broke down crying and remarked how much June's story had touched her. This woman never met my daughter, but was deeply moved beyond what I could ever imagine.
My beautiful daughter, through her life and death, has the ability to touch complete strangers. She only lived a year, yet I truly believe she is accomplishing more with her time than I ever will, even if I live to be 100. My prayer is that our testimony of June will bring others to know the Lord. Clinging to that is what makes it a little easier to get up every day. Holding onto the promise that we will have a life of suffering, but eternal glory, makes it well with my soul.
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18